Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Transformers: Dark of the Moon. 154 minutes long, so Wiki tells me (although whilst watching it it felt as though it flew by in a mere, ooh, fourteen hours or so?). 154 minutes. And I was lost, bored and checking my watch before the fourth minute. So I shall attempt to review a movie I have only just seen but about which I know almost nothing, and about which I care considerably less than that. The following will be far less a coherent review than a disjointed mess. Well, fine. Seems perfectly apt.

So, years ago, the old Autobot leader Sentinel Prime crashed into the moon along with some teleporter doowacky - made up of hundreds of "pillars" - that only he can control. The Decepticons swiped almost all the pillars but left Sentinel there...

Having exhausted the more terrestrial locations for the secret, all-powerful, gadget over which the "Autobots" and "Decepticons" will squabble relentlessly, this time we move to a lunar environment where there is supposed to be a long-buried "Cybertron" ship that could just tip the balance of power should it fall into the wrong hands. To be fair to this iteration, the tiniest bit of effort has been spent on a plot this time. We create a good, old-fashioned, cold war style scenario with the Russians and the Americans, and there is also a little bit of Apollo 11 conspiracy to liven it up as just about everyone battles it out for the technology buried amidst the barren landscape. We've also got a new baddie-in-chief in the form of "Shockwave" ...